It was during my formative years that everything I ever wanted to know intellectually about God I learned from the Baltimore Catechism. I was eight or nine when I wrote my first biography about “Puppy Heaven” and read it to the classes at St. Francis School. It would be my teen-age years, though, that I began to question God about my place in the world. As Mary, the Blessed Virgin pondered and accepted God’s will, I wondered if I, too, could answer the call, whatever the cause.
Years later when I was introduced to the Bible, I realized that the catechism was my foundation on which my faith was born, but my real life story lied in the promises that God revealed between its pages and how I would apply them.
Life was not a breeze: Overcoming was a challenge, and my biggest obstacle was wanting to fix things or figure them out on my own strength. I soon learned, in my middle years, that if I were to stay in the present and not fear the future, I had to fully, in mind, body and spirit, accept a God who created me in His likeness; a Son who died that I might live; and a Holy Spirit who would guide me and turn my prayers into petitions and supplications that would bring me peace in the darkest of days. I not only needed forgiveness, I needed to find thanksgiving in all things and accept that there was a master plan above the one I wished for my life and the lives of my husband(s) and children.
In my hunger for the Word, I grew to love Moses and wanted an honest relationship like his with God. I wanted to wail that I could not possibly continue on the narrow path. Then I learned about David and how much he sinned and how often he repented and wrote of his redemption through the grace of God. This gave me hope for the future. Jeremiah 29:11 confirmed it.
Oh, but life goes on, its ebb and flow, wins and disappointments and then discouragements that bring us to our knees and finally face down; our tapestry of life darkening with each breath.
I found: Psalm 34:18 “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit” and once again held fast to the offer from the Balm of Gilead.
In my elder years, after one peaceful year of self searching and yearning to fulfill my destiny with Christ, I synthesized all I had learned on my journey and Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God” took on a clarity that could not be denied. When I was frantic and hemmed in by my circumstances, I remembered… all that God had promised and done. I believed… that I would regain my strength through repentance and rest…Isaiah 30:15 promised that my salvation lied in quietness and trust. I had hope… that this state of being that held me captive was temporary. I needed to let go and let God shelter me with his divine and absolute and cleansing peace. And it happened… Mourning and sadness was turned to dancing and praise. Once again my arms were uplifted to receive grace and embrace life. Light had replaced darkness.
My life’s goal now is as a memoirist. I turn my life’s happenings into a timeline to share my story. I believe that the experiences of our seasons shape and grow our faith, increasing our capacity to love.
Accepting our challenges as a means to grow our faith helps us to push past fear and confusion and find purpose; seasons where God grows and uses us.
Worthy Witness 